[He doesn't have the memory back, of course, but he can envision it so clearly in his mind. In retrospect, it does not surprise him that his father would ask for such a thing from him, and that, too, hurts in its own way.]
Anyway, I guess my father didn't like my refusing him. He attacked me with the other puppet, the one he was going to insert my heart into. It must've been a difficult fight. I imagine he put all of his love and care into a puppet form that was meant for Carlo...
[Trailing off, silent again, before continuing.]
So difficult that I might've lost that battle. Noelle said that I was about to get stabbed through the heart—the very thing we were fighting over—and to prevent that, my... father, he jumped in between us when he saw it was going to happen.
In the end... Pinocchio's father paid for his own sins, in a way. It's horrifying. He put Pinocchio through so much, and all because... Tsukasa can't help but think he must have just been a lost, grieving old man.
...
He drags a shaky breath in, and squeezes Pinocchio's hand in his own.]
I'm sorry... you should never have had to go through that.
[...]
... But your father realizes it too, then. That your heart is your own... and he wanted you to be able to live your life.
[Not have it cut short by his own selfish machinations.]
[He wishes it were that — no, in fact, he wishes he were certain it was.]
Do you think so...?
[Noelle had said that he wondered what the true motivations behind those actions were. And now, of course his mind ambles in that same, uncertain direction.]
Was it that? Or did he just want to save the heart itself from being destroyed? The true death of Carlo. I'm not so sure he did it out of anything like love.
[...There is no way of knowing, is there? And it's the uncertainty that makes it the worst. Would it be better just to know for sure, even if it wasn't the truth he'd prefer?]
Maybe so. Maybe it'd be better to tell myself that, even if it ends up being a lie.
[Wouldn't that be an irony?]
I'd like to think that at some point, he really did love me.
[He shouldn't need outside validation for this. He's still learning so much, yes, but he knows that ultimately he doesn't need someone to tell him "yes, your father definitely loved you" to make it true in his own head and heart.
But all the same. There is a relief—or maybe just a balm against the hard edges of this new truth—that eases the pain, shuddering through his body.]
Thank you... Tsukasa. [UGH HE'S GONNA CRY AGAIN but he squeezes his eyes shut and once again wipes away at his face with his free hand.] It helps to hear you say that.
I think I just need... time to process it. [Huffs, a little dry.] Again, anyway.
[There's nothing wrong with crying over this, he can't help but think--but Pinocchio is already dealing with plenty, so Tsukasa lets that pass and pretends he doesn't see.
Instead, he smiles, pained but sincere.]
Take the time that you need to. Regardless of the circumstances, you deserve the space to grieve.
[Tsukasa's so kind-hearted... He really doesn't deserve to be in a situation like this one, he thinks, so still willing to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on when he must feel so in over his head.]
Mm. It'll be easier once we're out of this awful place.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I... I would think so, too, even now.
[He doesn't have the memory back, of course, but he can envision it so clearly in his mind. In retrospect, it does not surprise him that his father would ask for such a thing from him, and that, too, hurts in its own way.]
Anyway, I guess my father didn't like my refusing him. He attacked me with the other puppet, the one he was going to insert my heart into. It must've been a difficult fight. I imagine he put all of his love and care into a puppet form that was meant for Carlo...
[Trailing off, silent again, before continuing.]
So difficult that I might've lost that battle. Noelle said that I was about to get stabbed through the heart—the very thing we were fighting over—and to prevent that, my... father, he jumped in between us when he saw it was going to happen.
no subject
In the end... Pinocchio's father paid for his own sins, in a way. It's horrifying. He put Pinocchio through so much, and all because... Tsukasa can't help but think he must have just been a lost, grieving old man.
...
He drags a shaky breath in, and squeezes Pinocchio's hand in his own.]
I'm sorry... you should never have had to go through that.
[...]
... But your father realizes it too, then. That your heart is your own... and he wanted you to be able to live your life.
[Not have it cut short by his own selfish machinations.]
no subject
Do you think so...?
[Noelle had said that he wondered what the true motivations behind those actions were. And now, of course his mind ambles in that same, uncertain direction.]
Was it that? Or did he just want to save the heart itself from being destroyed? The true death of Carlo. I'm not so sure he did it out of anything like love.
no subject
... There's no way of really knowing, I think. You'll have to decide for yourself what it meant.
But... to throw himself in front of you like that...
I just can't believe it was only for your heart and nothing else. It... was you, after all. You were the one about to be...
[Killed.]
no subject
Maybe so. Maybe it'd be better to tell myself that, even if it ends up being a lie.
[Wouldn't that be an irony?]
I'd like to think that at some point, he really did love me.
no subject
[Tsukasa squeezes his hand again, lifting his chin.]
You knew him better than anyone. You're the one who's allowed to decide if that is true or not.
But... I believe it must be.
[Perhaps a twisted love in some ways... but Tsukasa believes the love was there nonetheless.]
no subject
But all the same. There is a relief—or maybe just a balm against the hard edges of this new truth—that eases the pain, shuddering through his body.]
Thank you... Tsukasa. [UGH HE'S GONNA CRY AGAIN but he squeezes his eyes shut and once again wipes away at his face with his free hand.] It helps to hear you say that.
I think I just need... time to process it. [Huffs, a little dry.] Again, anyway.
no subject
Instead, he smiles, pained but sincere.]
Take the time that you need to. Regardless of the circumstances, you deserve the space to grieve.
no subject
Mm. It'll be easier once we're out of this awful place.
no subject
[When things keep happening here, it's so hard to find their footing.]
And Pinocchio... the offer is open to you always. To come with me. I'm not sure how yet! But there must be a way.
And if you ever need time to rest and recover, my home will be open to you.