Because there is no descriptor, no chain of words that could be adequate to describe the loss, though it will likely be written off as a stone to be stepped on.
[It may seem like an understatement, but anything would pale in comparison to having to witness this loss—lives thrown down to advance toward a promised glory that she doesn't believe will even exist.]
If everything said about Father is true, then the "performance" is to earn an honor of no value. A crown of thorns.
[She's right, and it's... reassuring to hear her say so. So many people are handling things so much better than he is. But... Cantarella, calm and competent, agrees that there's nothing adequate to describe this situation.]
... Right. Precisely! I...! I can't imagine ever thinking otherwise, in fact!
Do you believe in the wish, Tsukasa, or in miracles?
[She asks it in her usual mild way. Though the question comes suddenly, it's related to his proclamation—and to what they've seen. Some do believe those promises, she's sure, even having seen what they have seen.]
Hm? Well, that's... to be honest, I'd assumed it was all...
[... Okay, in light of everything that's happened, this is going to sound ridiculous and he knows it, but. He's scrupulously honest anyway.]
... Well, flavor text. Part of the performance of it all. Not to say that wishes can't come true! But I've always considered them the sort of thing that comes true as you strive for them!
[The first and perhaps last time? Someone will say this to Tsukasa:]
That's a wise conclusion.
[She turns away from him a little bit, hand to chin.] I think I must have allowed myself to imagine what would happen if I went somewhere else. But...I do not believe a miracle can be handed out or awarded for suffering.
[Does it seem to be helping him? Though she'd rather he not delude himself into danger, leaning on an illusion to preserve himself will keep him safe for the time being.]
I often used to wish for a breath of fresh air, well beyond the dark reaches of the sea. I think I found myself longing for that, in an instant. Then my invitation so graciously arrived.
[Something about her tone might make it clear that her desire is not idle, but perhaps unobtainable—that its impossibility is something she has accepted.]
Not until recently. Once I quit this place, it will be easier now, though I will keep Porto-Veno Castle as it has kept me.
[It's a bit strange for someone who's also mentioned doing some travel to also sound as if she's lived a very restrained life, but the "fresh air" Cantarella speaks of seems to be above a current that drowned her entire world for a very long time.]
My guard was simply lowered in the wake of good news. [She had become too self-assured with the silencing of the whispers the bound her family to their fate, and in doing so, new whispers had replaced them.] At least I'm not enamored with this place's false promises.
[She hums a little bit; to let him keep believing in that sweet lie would be more of a balm than a poison. She can also answer without being fully dishonest. Just the truth that he needs to know.
As long as she sits as Matriarch in Porto-Vero, then… ]
I look forward to savoring those peaceful little moments I can now afford.
[If it puts his mind off of the horrific events, shields him from what she and many of the others have seen… then the interruption doesn’t really trouble her at all.]
I’m just gathering a few things. It shouldn’t take long. But perhaps you should have a drink before you go. We have a lot day ahead of us, and the water will clear your head.
[They do have a lot ahead of them, don't they? Tsukasa takes a deep breath in, and then nods firmly and moves to the ffffffridge for bottled water and/or to grab a glass of water idk if there's bottled water in Utena-vibes land don't look at me.]
I really don't, though I've seen my share of farce passed off as trials.
[People forced to prove their faith by impossible means, all in the name of upholding the Order of the Deep's strict rules. Their right to hand down a punishment feels just as tenuous.]
I expect it will be like trying to solve a puzzle with only half of the pieces. Even if we put it together, the picture we see will be incomplete and bring no satisfaction.
It is. There's a great deal at stake here, even beyond the bloodshed...the unnecessary loss of these lives.
[She pauses. It's difficult to reconcile Father's "edicts" with her believe that things can be achieved with the proper steps at the right time, nearly always.]
Though I wish to shield you from the worst of it, it is still happening.
... I appreciate your concern. I truly do! But... I also don't want to be shielded from everything. Rather, I don't want to be a burden that everyone has to think about this entire time.
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... Yeah. Somehow, that feels like an understatement.
[... His shoulders slump.]
Cantarella-san, I don't understand... how anyone can consider this a "performance", or something worth watching.
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[It may seem like an understatement, but anything would pale in comparison to having to witness this loss—lives thrown down to advance toward a promised glory that she doesn't believe will even exist.]
If everything said about Father is true, then the "performance" is to earn an honor of no value. A crown of thorns.
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... Right. Precisely! I...! I can't imagine ever thinking otherwise, in fact!
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[She asks it in her usual mild way. Though the question comes suddenly, it's related to his proclamation—and to what they've seen. Some do believe those promises, she's sure, even having seen what they have seen.]
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[... Okay, in light of everything that's happened, this is going to sound ridiculous and he knows it, but. He's scrupulously honest anyway.]
... Well, flavor text. Part of the performance of it all. Not to say that wishes can't come true! But I've always considered them the sort of thing that comes true as you strive for them!
Not something to have granted.
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That's a wise conclusion.
[She turns away from him a little bit, hand to chin.] I think I must have allowed myself to imagine what would happen if I went somewhere else. But...I do not believe a miracle can be handed out or awarded for suffering.
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Ha! Of course it is! As expected of a star like myself!
[He says, but it's kind of lacking the usual energy and loudness.
It's Fine.
Ahem.]
... What do you mean? About... imagining what would happen if you went somewhere else?
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I often used to wish for a breath of fresh air, well beyond the dark reaches of the sea. I think I found myself longing for that, in an instant. Then my invitation so graciously arrived.
[Something about her tone might make it clear that her desire is not idle, but perhaps unobtainable—that its impossibility is something she has accepted.]
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Now, he doesn't.]
Ah... and then you arrived here.
[So it's like that. An invitation at a moment of longing, and then they're told they're sinners for wanting.]
... But what's so wrong with that? With wanting a breath of fresh air?
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[There's not an inch of dishonesty in her voice. It's the truth spoken by someone who's yearned to feel the breeze on her face.]
It's simply that I have already made my choices.
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[?
He tilts his head.]
What choices...?
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[Though perhaps...that explains some of her wishing for a breath of air above the abyssal depths.]
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Not even for a breath of air...? Not even for a moment?
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[It's a bit strange for someone who's also mentioned doing some travel to also sound as if she's lived a very restrained life, but the "fresh air" Cantarella speaks of seems to be above a current that drowned her entire world for a very long time.]
My guard was simply lowered in the wake of good news. [She had become too self-assured with the silencing of the whispers the bound her family to their fate, and in doing so, new whispers had replaced them.] At least I'm not enamored with this place's false promises.
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As ever, Cantarella is very... she seems so wise to him, so self-assured and certain in an almost soothing way.]
Oh... oh! Then... when you get home, you'll be able to pursue that want properly for yourself?
That's a relief! [Whew....... it sounded too sad to not be able to even get the breath of fresh air she wants. It's such a small thing.]
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As long as she sits as Matriarch in Porto-Vero, then… ]
I look forward to savoring those peaceful little moments I can now afford.
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So.
He believes her, smiling brightly in response.]
I truly am glad to hear that!
[With that all said...... oh, right, he interrupted her.]
To make up for interrupting you, can I assist with anything? [She was going to cook, maybe?]
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I’m just gathering a few things. It shouldn’t take long. But perhaps you should have a drink before you go. We have a lot day ahead of us, and the water will clear your head.
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[They do have a lot ahead of them, don't they? Tsukasa takes a deep breath in, and then nods firmly and moves to the ffffffridge for bottled water and/or to grab a glass of water idk if there's bottled water in Utena-vibes land don't look at me.]
... Do you have any idea what to expect?
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[People forced to prove their faith by impossible means, all in the name of upholding the Order of the Deep's strict rules. Their right to hand down a punishment feels just as tenuous.]
I expect it will be like trying to solve a puzzle with only half of the pieces. Even if we put it together, the picture we see will be incomplete and bring no satisfaction.
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You... have?
[Seen her fair share of... what?]
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[It doesn't really sound like they have much of an opportunity to defend themselves.]
Here, however, we know that something happened and are being asked to determine the cause of it.
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I... I see...
It really is like a murder mystery, except... actual lives are involved.
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[She pauses. It's difficult to reconcile Father's "edicts" with her believe that things can be achieved with the proper steps at the right time, nearly always.]
Though I wish to shield you from the worst of it, it is still happening.
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... I appreciate your concern. I truly do! But... I also don't want to be shielded from everything. Rather, I don't want to be a burden that everyone has to think about this entire time.
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